Haruka's Fanfiction

*Note* Contains spanking. The scenes/dialogue up until Nosedive and Tanya return to the Pond are directly from the episode. Also, it's very common for the Ducks to talk about being in an 'episode', like they know their lives are one big tv series. ;)


A Mighty Ducks fic -- What SHOULD have happened in "Phil in the Blank"

By Haruka (haruka@ymail.com)

--

Tanya and Nosedive peered down helplessly through the hatch of the runaway rocket. Dragaunus had tried to steal it, but they'd foiled that plan and it was no longer under the Saurian warlord's control. Unfortunately, it was now out of _anyone's_ control, and the two ducks seemed to be doomed.

"Aw, Tanya, I _told_ you to bring the parachutes!" Nosedive complained.

"No! Ah, uh-uh!" Tanya shot back.

Nosedive brightened. "Oh, I know! How about we jump and hope we hit a pillow factory or some soft water?"

Tanya stared at him incredulously. "What are you, NUTS?!"

"You got it!" Nosedive said cheerfully and pulled her with him as he jumped through the hatch with a cry of, "DUCKS ROOOOCK!"

--

Wildwing, who had 'borrowed' an experimental jet and taken off to chase after his little brother and Tanya, saw the pair plummeting toward the ground. He quickly veered the jet around and released the canopy. Tanya and Nosedive landed squarely in the back seats.

It took a moment or two for Tanya to open her eyes and realize she wasn't duck pate. The first thing she saw was Nosedive seated beside her, waving at her sheepishly. She grabbed him by the collar and shook a finger in his face. "Don't you EVER pull a stunt like that again!" she yelled.

"Hey, don't knock it!" He grinned. "It _worked_!"

--

Hours later, Tanya was still seething. Nosedive was as chipper and upbeat as always, the brush with death seemingly unimportant. Maybe that was the way a sixteen-year-old looked at things, with that unfailing belief that nothing bad could happen to them. But Tanya was an adult, and a genius - all she could think of was how astronomical the odds had been that she and Nosedive survived that free fall.

She went to the Pond's lounge area and found the other adult ducks there. They greeted her warmly.

"Hey, Tanya, how are you feeling?" Wildwing asked as she sat down.

"Why?" she asked in surprise.

"Well, you seemed kind of shaky earlier," he said.

"_That's_ because your kid brother is a reckless daredevil who, uh, ah, doesn't mind risking my life along with his own!" she exclaimed. "He pulled me out of that rocket not knowing how or where we'd land!"

"That figures," Mallory commented wryly. "Typical Nosedive."

"Eternal optimism can be a virtue," Grin stated calmly.

"So can thinking before committing suicide!" Tanya said.

"The rocket was goin' down, sweetheart," Duke reminded her. "What else were you gonna do?"

"If I'd had a second or two to think I, uh, might have found a way to gain control of the system," Tanya argued.

"She's right," Mallory said. "There isn't a computer in existence that she can't crack, especially not on _this_ planet."

"Good point," Duke agreed.

"Have you talked to Nosedive about how you feel?" Wildwing asked.

"You heard him in the jet! He was, ah, all cocky about it, the way he is anytime he does anything dangerous without thinking it through!" Tanya folded her arms grumpily. "Besides, I don't want to, uh, talk to him. I feel more like spanking him!"

"Heh." Mallory smirked. "I know that feeling well!"

"So what's holdin' you back?" Duke asked.

"Wildwing won't let me."

"Not YOU, Mallory! I mean Tanya!" Duke said and turned to the team tech. "He nearly got you killed - threw your lives away for nothin'. I'd say a spankin' is well-deserved for dat."

Tanya looked over at Wildwing. "He's your brother. Ah, uh, I don't want to do anything against your wishes."

The white duck opened his beak to say something, but Duke spoke first, "Think about this before you answer her, Wing." His good eye met those of their leader. "Think about what would have happened to Dive if you hadn't gotten there at that exact moment."

Wildwing paused, then regarded Tanya seriously. "I think if you don't do it, I will."

--

Tanya didn't waste anymore time after that. She went straight to Nosedive's room.

The door was open, and like a typical teenager (who happened to be a duck from another dimension), he had rock music blaring and was contentedly reading comic books while drinking cola. Tanya went over to the boom box and turned it off, causing Nosedive to look up.

"Hey, girlfriend!" he greeted. "What's up?"

"My blood pressure, ever since, uh, this afternoon," she told him.

"Yeah, that was a wild ride, wasn't it?" Nosedive sat up and pantomimed the rocket blasting off. "ZOOM! Thousands of feet into the air in seconds!"

"And ZOOM! Thousands of feet down in free fall," Tanya said grimly.

He looked surprised. "Are you still flipped out about that? It was gnarly, Tanya! The way Wing picked us up outta mid-air at the last second - "

"And what if he HADN'T?!" Tanya demanded. "We'd, ah, have been feathered pancakes, Nosedive!"

"You worry too much, girly girl!" Nosedive said good-naturedly and lay back with his comic again.

Tanya's eyes narrowed behind her glasses. She strode over to Nosedive's bed and yanked the comic out of his hand, then forcibly pulled him to his feet. She sat down in his place and hauled him face-down over her broad lap.

"HEY!" Nosedive cried. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!"

"I'm teaching you to learn some self-control!" Tanya used her omnitool to produce a clipper that made short work of Nosedive's pants, exposing his feathered backside to the air.

"TANYA!!" he exclaimed, then let out a cry that sounded vaguely like a loud "QUACK!" as she gave him a solid whack on the bottom.

"Hurts, does it? It's, uh, going to hurt a lot more before I'm done, young man. And even THIS hurts less than it would to hit the ground at full speed!" Tanya began whacking Nosedive firmly and rhythmically, causing the boy to howl in pain and indignation. She made herself keep her anger under control so that she wouldn't use excessive force, even as visions of the two of them splatting on the pavement ran through her mind.

"Tanya, stop - OW!" Nosedive cried. "Please, I'm sorry - AHHH! Don't forget I - OUCH! -- had a CONCUSSION earlier in this episode - OWWW!"

"The concussion didn't, uh, seem to bother you when we took the Duckcycles to the rocket and were launched along with it, and you sure weren't thinking 'concussion' or anything else when you pulled me, uh, OUT of the rocket into mid-air!" Tanya landed an especially stinging blow to Nosedive's sit-spot. The teenager quacked again and began to struggle.

"That's it, I'm outta here!" he protested, squirming. "You need maintenance on your brain, Tanya - HEY!"

The female duck had pushed Nosedive's kicking legs in between her own so that he was pinned tightly, his bottom raised even higher over the one knee than it had been over both. Tanya was a fairly big woman, with a lot of muscle in her thighs - she held Nosedive without much effort as she walloped his upraised bottom again.

"You are going to *WHACK!* listen to me, Nosedive Flashblade!" she said angrily. "We all *WHACK!* love you and don't want you to *WHACK!* end up DEAD! But that's *WHACK!* where you're, uh, heading if you don't *WHACK!* stop being so reckless, and you *WHACK!* just might end up killing one of us *WHACK!* along with you!"

Nosedive knew he was starting to cry and couldn't help himself. He couldn't escape - the way Tanya had him pinned he couldn't even move! The pain was getting to him, his bottom already felt like it was on fire and his teammate wasn't letting up - even more stinging spanks were landing on his tail feathers! Then there were Tanya's words. Was she right, was he really likely to kill someone he loved someday? If Wildwing hadn't saved them, maybe it would have happened THAT day ....

"Tanya, stop!" he begged tearfully. "AHHH! ... I - I understand now! Please - OWW!" The duckling broke down in helpless sobs.

Because his bottom was covered in tan feathers, Tanya couldn't tell by colour whether or not Nosedive had been punished enough. She decided the heartbreaking sobs were indication enough, since they backed up what she'd been waiting to hear - that he understood. She carefully helped him upright, then down again to sit on her knee. He hissed and whimpered, but not only allowed her to hug him, he embraced her himself and lay his head on her shoulder.

"I'm s-sorry, Tanny," he sniffled. "You're right ... I _could_ have killed us t-today. And I should have realized earlier how m-much I scared you ...."

"You really did, Nosedive," she said, rubbing his back soothingly. "But it's not just my own safety - I'm more, ah, worried about YOU, because you take chances like this all the time. It would kill Wildwing if, uh, anything bad happened to you - it would devastate the whole team. We love you, you crazy brat."

Nosedive hiccupped and sniffled again, but smiled. "Thanks, I love you, too." He drew back and although his feathered cheeks were still wet with tears, he couldn't resist asking mischievously, "So, you wanna go skydiving with me? Maybe we'll even use parachutes this time."

Tanya's eyes widened and she snatched up Nosedive's comic book, bopping him over the head with it several times as she chased him out of the room and down the corridor.

"Tanya, no! Think of the censors!" Nosedive called over his shoulder.

"They'll never let this episode pass now, anyway, so I've got nothing to lose!" Tanya declared and continued her pursuit with a maniacal laugh.

--

(2002)

The Mighty Ducks belong to Disney.

This fic is not to be re-posted.